IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends ( clothing, technology) To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #money #time #fashion #trends #technology
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It is undeniable that today’s
youth
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 have had a plethora of exposure to fashion
trends
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 and advanced technology.
As a result
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, many
people
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 assumed that they squandered too much
money
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 and
time
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 following these latest
trends
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. I partially agree with
this
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 argument because of the following reasons. First of all, many young individuals are willing to spend a significant amount of
money
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 and
time
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 chasing after the latest
trends
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 to show off their status or keep up with their peers. The internet and social media have
also
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 been fast-evolving, exposing
people
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, particularly the
youth
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, to a vast number of pictures of individuals who live a desired rich lifestyle. Both of these elements contribute to the fact that changing clothes frequently or attempting to own the most cutting-edge technological devices,
such
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 as iPhones or Tablets, could be viewed as the typical example of
this
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 lavish lifestyle, which poses an excessive emphasis on materialism and appearance values.
However
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, I believe that it is incorrect
to conclude
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 that all young generations follow
this
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 phenomenon. Nowadays, a minimalist lifestyle is considered by an increasing number of
people
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.
In other words
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, they are eliminating all unnecessary purchases and favouring long-lasting technological or clothing products to save
time
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 and energy in the long run.
Moreover
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, several younger
people
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 are currently focusing their efforts on improving their physical and mental health rather than spending
time
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 and
money
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 on new friends. It implies that the
youth
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 are engaging in a variety of other beneficial activities.
Finally
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, it is understandable why many
people
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 criticize the
youth
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 for wasting too much
time
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 and
money
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 on new and appealing
trends
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.
However
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, labelling all of the younger generations with
this
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 trend is simply unjust.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

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task achievement
Ensure to develop your main points with more in-depth, specific examples to illustrate the arguments. Avoid general statements that lack supporting detail.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your argument.
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