IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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In professional and personal lives taking
risks
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 is necessary for
people
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.
This
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 essay agrees that the advantages overweight the disadvantages,
firstly
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 it will discuss about advantages
then
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keeps
Wrong verb form
keep
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 going with disadvantages and
at the
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end
Add a comma
end,
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 it is going to be finished
by
Change preposition
with
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 my opinion. Nowadays
people
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 often
risks
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 in their lives and there are
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
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reasons
Change preposition
of reasons
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 for it starting with future goals. Every person has a goal that he or
her
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she
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 wants to achieve and taking
risks
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 is
the
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apply
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part of it.
For example
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, the study of Psychology Center that was made in 2023 shows that
a
Correct article usage
the
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 number of
people
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 who are taking
risks
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 to achieve their target growth from 78% to 92%. Another reason is that
people
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wants
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want
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 to gain
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level
Add an article
a level
the level
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 of confidence. Most
people
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 take
risks
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due to
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 their
level
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 of
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that
risks
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 are the way to gain self-confidence among others and be respected by them .
For example
Linking Words
, there is a study from Psychology Center from 2024 which shows that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
people
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 who
are took
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are taking
show examples
risks
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 and have some
level
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 of respect gain by almost 57%.
On the other hand
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, there are
people
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 who are afraid of failure.
People
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 do not take
risks
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due to
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 their
level
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 of
intimidating
Replace the word
intimidation
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 of
getting failed
Wrong verb form
failing
show examples
.
For example
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, there is a study from Psychology Center from 2023 which shows that
people
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 who are afraid of taking
risks
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 increased by almost 23%. In conclusion, despite being afraid of taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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due to
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 the
level
Use synonyms
 of fear, there are some advantages of it like future goals or gaining self-confidence.

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task response
Consider including a clearer introduction that states your position more explicitly and hints at the main points you will discuss. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
task response
Try to provide a more balanced view by elaborating on the disadvantages more thoroughly. Addressing counterarguments can strengthen your overall argument and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use appropriate transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall coherence of your essay. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence cohesion
Watch for grammatical errors and word forms, such as 'overweight' instead of 'outweigh' and 'believe' should be 'belief.' Proofreading your work could help improve clarity and professionalism.
task response
You have demonstrated the ability to present ideas about risks in both professional and personal contexts. This shows a breadth of understanding on the topic.
task response
The use of examples to support your points is a strong aspect of your essay. They add credibility to your arguments, although they could be more developed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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