IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Taking risks is crucial for people in both
carier
Correct your spelling
career
carrier
 opportunities and
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 lives.
This
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 essay states that
while
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 taking risks can help to improve the conditions people live
, it
Change preposition
in, it
show examples
 may
also
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 lead to poverty and frustration. Gambling can end up with unpredictable outcomes
such
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 as winning a lottery or getting a higher position in the company the worker works.
In other words
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,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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 can obtain the results which will alter his life both in professional and personal ways. Winning a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 from chance
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 can serve as a great example of becoming rich with the means of luck.
For instance
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, buying
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 game which costs a dollar can stimulate the individual to play because in the best
case
Add a comma
case,
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 a hundred dollars may be received even if the percentage of winning is low, and in the case he wins 100 times more
money
Use synonyms
 will be gained.
In contrast
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, relying on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risky games is not always safe and effective. Persons can raise a problem by being unaware of the
consequances
Correct your spelling
consequences
such
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 as losing their job or spending all their
money
Use synonyms
 on the bet.
That is
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, individuals should be
meticuous
Correct your spelling
meticulous
 when they want to interact with these situations in order to minimize the awful results and ensure safety and integrity.
For example
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, gamblers can bet on the game which can be foreseen easily and put all their
money
Use synonyms
 on the match, but something occurs, causing results to be different from expected ones. In conclusion,
while
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 taking risks can assist
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
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 rich in a short period of time, I strongly believe that negative aspects are more likely to happen and cause the individual to be upset after he bets.

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task achievement
Try to expand your introduction to provide a clearer overview of the main points you intend to discuss in the essay. This will help set the context better for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
More clearly link your ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
In your paragraphs, ensure you explain the examples you provide a bit more and connect them back to your arguments to create a stronger support.
task achievement
You have identified a relevant topic and presented both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
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