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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this?

#countries #people #work #travel #year #school #university #studies
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In some nations, youth
people
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 are encouraged to
work
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 or
travel
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 for a
year
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 between finishing secondary
school
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 and starting higher education studies. In my opinion, there are several merits for
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 off a
year
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 after high
school
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 and before tertiary education for young
people
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 including, youth
people
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 will gain
experience
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, discover the world,
howover
Correct your spelling
however
, there are some demerits of
this
Linking Words
 trend namely, jobs often low pay ,
travel
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 is not cheap. On the one hand, there are several benefits for take a
gap
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year
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 between finishing high
school
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 and starting university studies for young
people
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. The primary advantage for young
people
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 who decide to
work
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 will gain
partical
Correct your spelling
practical
experience
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.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
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 who
work
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 as, cashiers, drivers, and
cookers
Replace the word
cooks
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 will learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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 and skills.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, through
work
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 young adult
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 earn money, which mean they can use
this
Linking Words
 money later to meet the fees of the university.
Dicover
Correct your spelling
Discover
 the world is another advantage of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 a
gap
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year
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 for young
people
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. To illustrate, young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 have a chance to
travel
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 worldwide to enjoy and discover
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
cultuers
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culture
cultures
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, via
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travel
Add a comma
,travel
show examples
 young
people
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 can mitigate the stress away from
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 of the study.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are different downsides of
take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 a
year
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 off for youth
people
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. The first downside,
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 young
people
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 who decide
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work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
 during a
gap
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year
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 usually
work
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 on low pay jobs.
For instance
Linking Words
, working as
cashier
Correct article usage
a cashier
show examples
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 low pay with high responsibilities, which means young
people
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 will become under financial and mental stress. The second downside, travelling during a
gap
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year
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 for young
people
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 is
consierded
Correct your spelling
considered
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
expensive. To put on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other words, young
people
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 who
travel
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 will spend a considerable
amont
Correct your spelling
amount
 of money on hotels and flights, and food.
To sum up
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, From my perspective , there are many upsides for take off a
year
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 after high
school
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 and before tertiary education for young
people
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 including,
young
Add an article
the young
a young
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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 will obtain real
experience
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,
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travel
Correct word choice
and travel
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 around the world,
howover
Correct your spelling
however
, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend namely, low pay jobs , and
travel
Use synonyms
 is not affordable.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
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