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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

2. Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have different views about the
age
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 when starting
school
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.
While
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 there are some good arguments in
favor
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favour
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 of
children
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 beginning their
school
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time
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 at a very early
age
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, I believe that it is better to commence until they get older. On the one hand, a
school
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's education can have many beneficial effects
for
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on
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children
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 to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in
school
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 at an early
age
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. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 reasons behind
this
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 fact, the obvious one is the busy schedule of their
parents
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. They work too hard and they almost don't have enough
time
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 to take care of their sons and daughters.
That is
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 why schools take the role and
be
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are
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 responsible for caring and teaching them even though they are just 3-4 years old.
Furthermore
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, every
school
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 has strict rules for
children
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 to follow right at the beginning,
therefore
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 youngsters can learn how to behave correctly and build confident communication with others. A pertinent example is that through outdoor activities at
school
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, kids can participate in different competitions where they can learn skills related to collaboration, cooperation, leadership and more.
On the other hand
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, there are plenty of reasons why
parents
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 let students stay at home until they are older than other
children
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. The first and foremost reason is that most fathers and mothers both want to spend their precious
time
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together with
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 their young
children
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. When they are too young,
parents
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 are the ones who can teach them some valuable lessons. The first lesson they can learn from is to stand, to communicate basically in the house.
Secondly
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, it is the best
time
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 for youngsters to find their interests through extracurricular activities
such
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 as painting, singing, dancing,...
Hence
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, some hidden talents will be revealed as they are young. In conclusion, both opinions have their own evitable advantages.
Nevertheless
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,
parents
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 should be the main ones who decide at which
age
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 is the best
time
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 for their kids to join schools.

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt but could expand on the reasons and arguments for both views. Providing a more balanced discussion will enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack cohesion. Use topic sentences and transitions to better connect and organize ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
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