IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

2. Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that children should go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People have different views about the
age
Use synonyms
 when starting
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are some good arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
 beginning their
school
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 at a very early
age
Use synonyms
, I believe that it is better to commence until they get older. On the one hand, a
school
Use synonyms
's education can have many beneficial effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in
school
Use synonyms
 at an early
age
Use synonyms
. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 fact, the obvious one is the busy schedule of their
parents
Use synonyms
. They work too hard and they almost don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to take care of their sons and daughters.
That is
Linking Words
 why schools take the role and
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 responsible for caring and teaching them even though they are just 3-4 years old.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, every
school
Use synonyms
 has strict rules for
children
Use synonyms
 to follow right at the beginning,
therefore
Linking Words
 youngsters can learn how to behave correctly and build confident communication with others. A pertinent example is that through outdoor activities at
school
Use synonyms
, kids can participate in different competitions where they can learn skills related to collaboration, cooperation, leadership and more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are plenty of reasons why
parents
Use synonyms
 let students stay at home until they are older than other
children
Use synonyms
. The first and foremost reason is that most fathers and mothers both want to spend their precious
time
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 their young
children
Use synonyms
. When they are too young,
parents
Use synonyms
 are the ones who can teach them some valuable lessons. The first lesson they can learn from is to stand, to communicate basically in the house.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is the best
time
Use synonyms
 for youngsters to find their interests through extracurricular activities
such
Linking Words
 as painting, singing, dancing,...
Hence
Linking Words
, some hidden talents will be revealed as they are young. In conclusion, both opinions have their own evitable advantages.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should be the main ones who decide at which
age
Use synonyms
 is the best
time
Use synonyms
 for their kids to join schools.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt but could expand on the reasons and arguments for both views. Providing a more balanced discussion will enhance the task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack cohesion. Use topic sentences and transitions to better connect and organize ideas within and between paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: