In many countries, there are a lot of students who commit suicide each year. What are the reasons for this? What are the solutions?

Recently the phenomenon is
is
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
a tragic issue that
student
suicide needs attention.
However
, factors like academic
pressure
by adults and bullying contribute to the risk and
pressure
. From my perspective, the government and society must bear some of
this
responsibility. There is no doubt that the
pressure
to excel academically can have severe consequences on
student
mental health. The constant
pressure
to achieve high grades and maintain a successful
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future can lead the feeling of hopelessness and suicidal ideation whenever they get failure. A better example of
this
can be best provided by
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recently
Change the word
recent
show examples
,
Korea's
Change noun form
Korea
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
, who
are suffer
Change the verb form
are suffering
show examples
from
highly
Change the adverb
high
show examples
pressure
from their parent,
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
large
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
of suicidal
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
in the world.
For instance
, bullying and harassment can have devastating effects on
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
mental health and increase the risk of suicide. The young people face constant ridicule,
humiliation
Correct word choice
and humiliation
show examples
from peers can lead to profound emotional distress, often resulting in feelings of hopelessness and despair. The first possible measure is that information about
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
rights is widely disseminated through mass media. Children who are well-informed about their rights are in a better position to seek help to defend them.
Secondly
, it is crucial to have access to independent confidential sources of help. In some socially-advanced models, children seek
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help from hotlines that can provide necessary support and assistance to those suffering from
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
mental health consequences of bullying.
Finally
, giving children the opportunity to make choices and decisions for themselves.
This
fosters independence and shows respect for their autonomy. In conclusion, there are two factors contributing to
this
increase include academic
pressure
and bullying. It seems quite clear that
this
problem would probably be seen as excessive and difficult to enforce.
However
, the government and society should take action quickly in order to decrease
this
phenomenon.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: