In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success

While

some argue that individuals can achieve more in countries with an egalitarian

society

, Others perceive that people only

will be in

Verb problem

achieve

show examples

a high level of achievement thanks to their individual merits. In my opinion, I agree that there is a need for a

society

that endorses equality

due to

the necessity of equal conditions. On one side of the argument, it is suggested that to be at the peak of a

society

you need to be in equal conditions. When a societal system is equitable, there is a possibility of diversity and prosperity since the laws and values are the same for everyone.

For example

, in Paris, which is a modern city, we can find men, women, young or even old employees in big companies.

This

diversity is

due to

the

french

Capitalize word

French

show examples

society

who accept people without having to take

Change preposition

into

show examples

consideration the genre or the age, these recruiters only need the person with the best skills. Despite these aforementioned views, other individuals believe that the most important thing is personal merits.

This

view would suggest that recruiters are equal with the candidates and only consider them for their qualities and skills,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

would be ideal. Sadly, misogyny and

rascim

Correct your spelling

racism

still exist causing many

employee

Change to a plural noun

employees

show examples

to not achieve their objectives for their nationality, gender or personal backstory.

For instance

, in 2023, Cherill Mc Collan, a woman who had amazing skills and an amazing career, did not enter a company

due to

her gender. In conclusion, I think that it is

necessity

Replace the word

necessary

show examples

to have an equal

society

in order to achieve more things in life.

Submitted by santos_dij on Fri Jan 19 2024

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Introduction

Introduce your essay with a more clear and engaging thesis statement that directly addresses the question. This will help in setting a strong foundation for your argument.

Logical Structure

Ensure a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader from one point to the next.

Conclusion

Include a stronger conclusion that not only summarizes your argument but also restates your stance in a compelling way. This reinforces your view and ties your essay together.

Supporting Examples

Provide more detailed examples to support your main points. Specific examples add depth to your arguments and demonstrate understanding of the topic.

Grammar and Accuracy

Be mindful of typographical and grammatical errors, as these can disrupt the flow of your essay and detract from its overall clarity. Thorough proofreading is essential.

Task Response

Address the task more fully by discussing both views presented in the prompt before stating your own opinion. This ensures a more complete response to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

265 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people say it is important to keep your home and work place tidy with everything organized and in the correct places. What is your opinion about it?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Despite the benefits for health, fewer people today than ever before exercise by walking. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more walking?

many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal .some people,however, think other types of progress are equally important for a country. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that homework should not be given to school children. others, however, say that homework is an important requirement for children to be able to develop appropriately. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.