IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think governments should ban dangerous sports. Others, however, say people have the freedom to make their decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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People have different views on whether governments are supposed to forbid dangerous sports or not.
While
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 I can understand authorities tip the balance in favour of prohibiting risky events, I do believe that they could benefit more from remaining in the current situation. On the one hand, there are many reasons why the authorities want to ban the activities which threaten our health.
Initially
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, it is risky to take a chance given that it may cause mental or physical
injured
Replace the word
injuries
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 and even death, especially for amateur individuals.
For example
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, engaging in dangerous events is bound to have professional equipment and proper safety protections.
Moreover
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, if excessive recommendations about extreme sports are posted on the Internet, some growing teenagers who are vulnerable and
lacking in
Wrong verb form
lack
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 the ability to identify harmful information could be attacked and attempt to do it without experts.
Additionally
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, the measures that administrators want to implement are beneficial to reduce accidents leading to injuries and losses ,
thus
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 it
also
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 can decline the financial expenditure on medical treatments.
On the other hand
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, it is more advantageous to support these sports.
Firstly
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, there are lots of like-minded individuals who can make friends with each other, which enables them to expand their social circle and share their diverse experiences.
For instance
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, the institutions and clubs which often launch competitions are where the place
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 individuals with a platform to get familiar with different people with the same hobbies.
Besides
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, the wave of exhilaration they can get after doing the activities stimulates them to challenge themselves constantly and bring a positive and optimistic attitude towards daily life.
In addition
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, whether
this
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 kind of exercise is hazardous to health or not, they are supposed to take responsibility for their own lives and choose the lifestyle that suits them best. In conclusion, my view is that there are many reasons behind the preference why states
are suggested
Verb problem
apply
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to stop harmful exercise, but I would argue that remaining them could be more advantageous.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing both views on banning dangerous sports. However, the opinion is not clearly stated in the conclusion, and the arguments in favor of each view could be more balanced and elaborated.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a generally logical structure and adequately supported main points. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented, and the coherence could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and better organization of ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Dangerous
  • Banning
  • Freedom
  • Decisions
  • Protecting
  • Harm
  • Healthcare systems
  • Resources
  • Safety
  • Risks
  • Personal freedom
  • Individual responsibility
  • Entertainment
  • Economic benefits
  • Personal growth
  • Challenge
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