IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is believed that the education system is the most critical factor to the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this belief?

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Enhancing the domestic educational level is the goal in many nations around the world,
while
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 some suggest that in certain circumstances upgrading educational sources should be considered a priority,
such
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 as in regions where the majority of residents are under the poverty line. I personally believe a better
education
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system
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 is crucial to enhance the development of a country by cultivating a large number of professional talents. On the one hand, some believe that in certain regions, it is more crucial to focus on saving residents from poverties and enhancing the safety of their living environment,
such
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 as in developing countries, since students will not be able to enjoy the educational sources when they could bearly survive.
For example
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, there are many children in Thailand who need to support their family at an early age, an outstanding
education
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system
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 is useless for them compared to having a stable life.
On the other hand
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, I am in favour of using
education
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 to provoke a profound change in societies which plays an essential role to make progress in a country. First of all, having an
education
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 is crucial to reverse one's life with more opportunities and competitiveness.
For instance
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, students who are born
in
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into
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 poverty families are able to reverse their life based on a better
education
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system
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. On top of that, countries benefit from a large number of talents in various industries, including medicine and business, which helps a nation to make progress,
such
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 as Taiwan, which applies a
system
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 of compulsory basic
education
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 national wide, ensuring all citizens' rights and obligations of having
education
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, derive a great number of students continued pursuing higher
education
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 and cultivate many talents in different industries, including high-tech industry. To summarise, it is inevitable that in certain situations, a better
education
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system
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 should not be the priority of local governments when there are more emergency issues to be addressed.
However
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, I do believe that the power of
education
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 should not be overlooked, since it could decrease the poverty rate in a nation and cultivate professional workers which benefits the development of a country.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Critical factor
  • Economic growth
  • Innovation
  • Informed citizenry
  • Social mobility
  • Disadvantaged backgrounds
  • Social and economic status
  • Holistic approach
  • Technology adoption
  • Industrial development
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Democratic processes
  • Decision-making
  • Political stability
  • Infrastructure development
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