IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think it is the government’s responsibility to ensure the provision of good health care for everyone in the community and that each individual should be cared for by State medical programmes. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

#people #government’s #responsibility #provision #health #care #community #programmes
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According to
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 some individuals, good
healthcare
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services
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 in
society
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 should be the responsibility of the
government
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 of that
country
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along with
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 medical programs for the community. I strongly agree with the above-mentioned statement, since every working person gives a major part of their life to work and
also
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 pays
taxes
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 on their earning to get advantages of the
government
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's provided
healthcare
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 facilities which should be free for them. The prime reason why I support
this
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 statement is that almost everyone is working for long hours and spends the major aspect of their life at work for the development of
society
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 as a whole.
Thus
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, it becomes the main responsibility of the
government
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 to serve their hardworking people in return in the way of medical facilities
such
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 as free tests and medicines. Providing better health care
services
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 in the
country
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 will not only make its citizens healthy and disease-free but
also
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 lessen the burden on
society
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 with better living style of their citizens. The additional factor is
also
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 making it a mandatory responsibility for the
government
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 since the people are paying
taxes
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 on their earnings directly to the
government
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.
Thus
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, that money should be invested in the citizens of the
country
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 by providing them
the
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with the
show examples
 best medical care, hospitals, and ambulance
services
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, and of course free of cost.
For instance
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:
Due to
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 limited income especially after the deduction of
taxes
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 on the earnings, it is harder for them to get better treatment for any fatal disease in big hospitals.
Therefore
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, here the
government
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 plays a crucial role in serving
society
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 with free hospital
services
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 or any medical programs
such
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 as free eye care examinations and so on.
To conclude
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, I completely support the idea of serving every individual in the
country
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 with better medical and
healthcare
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services
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 by the
government
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 of that
country
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 as people are devoting their lives to work for the growth and development of the
country
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 and paying
taxes
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 on their earning,
hence
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 they have right to get free
healthcare
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services
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.
Submitted by deepamankaur208 on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt, presenting a clear stance supporting the idea that the government should provide healthcare services. However, providing a few more specific examples or empirical evidence can strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, some sentences can be enlivened by using varied sentence structures and better transitions to enhance flow. Ensure each paragraph is tightly focused on one aspect of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and strong introduction that immediately addresses the task prompt, setting a positive tone for the rest of the paper.
introduction conclusion present
You effectively reiterate your main points in your conclusion, leaving the reader with a strong sense of your perspective.
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