IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the benefits of tourism outweigh the problems it creates in a particular place. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Tourism
Use synonyms
 seems to be a great move to increase different fields of a
country
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 and
also
Linking Words
 help
people
Use synonyms
 to develop their
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
. It boosts the economy of the nation and even the infrastructure.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
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 may bring
critics
Check wording
criticism
show examples
 for
people
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 who are travelling a
lot
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 and are not aware of the consequences. First of all, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no doubt that
tourism
Use synonyms
 can bring a
lot
Use synonyms
 of advantages. When
people
Use synonyms
travel
Punctuation problem
travel,
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 they pay for different attractions,food and accommodation. It directly increases the economy of the
country
Use synonyms
 which is visited.
Although
Linking Words
 it is
benefic
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the
country
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,
people
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 who live in the
country
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 which is visited very often suffer from high costs. Once the demand for a thing or service increases ,the price for that
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
thing or service increases
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 proportionally.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can improve infrastructures through creating more facilities for local
people
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. More shops, places to visit and
also
Linking Words
 restaurants are created when the number of
Use synonyms
tourism
Check wording
tourists
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 is increasing. It is a win for both
parts
Use the right word
parties
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , it will not be a happy change every time. Exists the risk that
people
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 will not respect the rules of the environment. They can throw away trash and even damage the environment.
For example
Linking Words
 ,the
last
Linking Words
 visit that I had
like
Verb problem
was like
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an
Correct article usage
a
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 tourist was in London. I paid attention to how
tourism
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 can affect the
beautiful
Replace the word
beauty
 of a city. There were a
lot
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 of shops that hurt the beauty of the city.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is
clearly
Replace the word
clear
 that
tourism
Use synonyms
 can be viewed through two
perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
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. From my point of view, I don't see a big problem with
tourism
Use synonyms
until
Correct word choice
as long as
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 they don't create problem to
people
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 and
also
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
country
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. Everyone should be aware of how much travel and which are the risks
traveling
Change preposition
of travelling
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your own view more direct in the ending. Say clearly that the good sides outweigh the bad sides, or say the opposite. Then give one or two clear reasons for this view.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For high prices, explain who pays more, such as local people paying more for homes, food, or travel. For harm to nature, explain how this can happen and how it affects local people.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and linked to the point. In the London example, say what kind of shops harmed the city’s look and why this was a problem for local people or visitors.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first body part can focus on money and high prices. The second can focus on new places and harm to nature. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. For example: “However, local people may face higher prices.” This is clearer than moving quickly from a good point to a bad point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending shorter and stronger. Do not add new ideas there. Restate both sides and give your clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Check some sentences that make the meaning less clear. For example, write “There is no doubt that tourism can bring many benefits” and “There is a risk that visitors will not respect environmental rules.”
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of tourism. Your main view is clear: tourism is good when it does not harm local people or the place.
task response
You give useful ideas about money, jobs, shops, high prices, and harm to nature. The London example helps show your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. Words such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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