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Band 3

It is important fo people to take risk, both in professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disavantages?

#fo #people #risk #lives #risks #disavantages
Nowadays there are a
lot
 of different
subjects
 in school. Students learn
subjects
, connected with Art, Math and languages, but
people
 should learn
science
subjects
.
Firstly
, learning information, connected with
science
, can help
people
 to know something interesting and new about
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, their planet and animals. Some of the facts can definitely take one's breath. Scientists like their job only because of their crazy interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our eternal world.
Secondly
, there are a
lot
 of ways to earn a
lot
 of money. A
lot
 of scientists and explorers have become rich only because of
science
, but they worked very hard. That's the disadvantage of
this
 route.
Thirdly
, knowing
science
 can help
people
 to stay fit and to be healthy. A
lot
 of
people
 have problems with their physical or mental health, that's why, they should learn it to decide these troubles and to help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
.
To sum up
, learning
science
 can help
people
, but it's only their choice, what to learn. All
subjects
 are important in
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 life. The more person
learn
Change the verb form
learns
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the better they feel.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancement
  • comfort zone
  • job satisfaction
  • fulfillment
  • enriched
  • innovation
  • status quo
  • novel solutions
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • uncertainties
  • financial instability
  • mental stress
  • potential failure
What to do next:
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