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Band 6.5

The bar graph bellow depicts information about the average hourse of unpaid work per week one by pepople in different categories.

The bar graph bellow depicts information about the average hourse of unpaid work per week one by pepople in different categories.
The given bar graph illustrates the amount of time married
women
Use synonyms
 and married
men
Use synonyms
 doing unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 in three different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that married
women
Use synonyms
 do unpaid
work
Use synonyms
 longer than married
men
Use synonyms
, and it seems that the more
women
Use synonyms
 have
children
Use synonyms
, the more working
hours
Use synonyms
 they do.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the amount of time
men
Use synonyms
 working decreases considerably when they have more
children
Use synonyms
. Looking at the information in more detail, married
women
Use synonyms
 who do not have
children
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 30
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 in the same category only do half of the
hours
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 do.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the working
hours
Use synonyms
 rose to nearly 50
hours
Use synonyms
 a week for
women
Use synonyms
 who have 1-2
children
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, there is a slight decrease for
men
Use synonyms
 in the same category to 14
hours
Use synonyms
. With respect to families who have 3 and more
children
Use synonyms
,
women
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 approximately 55
hours
Use synonyms
 a week,
while
Linking Words
 almost one-third
hours
Use synonyms
 the
men
Use synonyms
 do the home chores in
this
Linking Words
 condition.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men, work, children, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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