IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that zoos should be banned because they have a lot of disadvantages. Others think that they are beneficial and therefore every country should spend more money to build zoos. What is your opinion?

Most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 ought to be banned as they have several negative points,
while
Linking Words
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think they are many benefits,
also
Linking Words
therefore
Linking Words
 everywhere ought to spend more money to build
zoos
Use synonyms
 . In my opinion,I agree that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should not be banned because they can be great
meny
Correct your spelling
many
 for humans but
also
Linking Words
 for
animals
Use synonyms
 . A good reason why governments should not be banned is most of
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
 knowledge since
people
Use synonyms
 should know about
animals
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who get
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 information from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animal,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may
told
Change the verb form
tell
show examples
 children and share
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 others
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means children can understand how many
animals
Use synonyms
around
Add a missing verb
are around
show examples
 the world.
Moreover
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.
Child
Correct article usage
The child
show examples
wil
Correct your spelling
will
 know how many times the
animals
Use synonyms
 sleep that good for
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 . Another point to consider is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
having opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
 who want to work. They can find easy
such
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 as
vet
Fix the agreement mistake
vets
show examples
 or guardians for
this
Linking Words
 statement should not be banned.
For example
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, if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 put
a-lot
Correct your spelling
a lot
show examples
 of
zoos
Use synonyms
 in the country citizens will find jobs
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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 government can get money from
zoos
Use synonyms
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gives the government an opportunity to bring foreign
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
this
Linking Words
 country. In conclusion, I believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 will be helpful for the country and
animals
Use synonyms
 as well. If the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 more
zoos
Use synonyms
, clearly it will help many
animals
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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