IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #resources #attention #protection #animals #birds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As an evitable product of economic prosperity, thousands of species are at stake
due to
 overexploitation in recent decades.
Although
 the idea of allocating mainly to
conservation
projects
 seems justifiable, the government should not misspend since there are more pressing issues in our modern society. The distribution of authority funds towards management tasks appears to be a total waste in the economic crisis theme.
First,
there are several unaddressed issues that are in a state of rule neglect as they hardly invest in the protection of wild animals lately.
For instance
, in developing countries, where the standard of living is in dire need of improvement, the allocation of
conservation
projects
 may result in economic stagnation.
Second,
by investing that money in either rehabilitating decaying infrastructure or expanding public facilities, the general populace will directly benefit. Without
misspending
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 on animal protection, taxpayers will be charged lower, though they all experience
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life quality, the key factor to accelerating the happiness rate globally. It is long acknowledged that the investment in preservation gains no profit. The demise of some species comes at the expense of nothing except humanity's guilt, which might have an adverse bearing on government policies. Despite colossal cost demand,
conservation
projects
 earn nothing on the ground that those species might play no role in ecological balance,
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means their disappearance does impact nothing.
Furthermore
, to bolster education, which has an inseparable relation to animal extinction, administrators should consider cutting the distribution to huge money-demand
conservation
projects
. If the young generations are well-equipped with righteous moral foundations, there will be more feasible
as well as
 efficient approaches generated. In conclusion, lessening the amount of spending on
projects
 might act as an incentive for preserving animals.
Submitted by ngocnong.work on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a clear opinion but lacks depth in argumentation and development of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is a need for more cohesive linking of ideas within paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: