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Band 5.5

It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #governments #focus #country
It is often argued that it is not possible to give
a
Remove the article
apply
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financial aid to
people
 who came from deprived
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 all over the
world
. In my view, I believe that the main priority of every
country
 and
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 is that they ought to
emphasis
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emphasise
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 on their own citizens because they are certain issues that need to be handled.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why governments could not always help poor
people
 outside of their
country
.
This
 is because they already have some obstacles within the
country
 that should be tackled rather than help others.
For example
, air pollution and traffic congestion are the main increasingly worrying problems facing the whole
world
.
Instead
 of supporting
people
 in need in other parts of the
world
 government should concentrate on solving existing problems that
people
 are experiencing.
Therefore
, in my point of view focus should be placed to deal with problems within the
country
.
Nevertheless
, it is believed by some
countries
 from disadvantaged
background
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backgrounds
show examples
 should be given humanitarian aid by some affluent
countries
.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
countries
,
for example
, African nationals are facing some difficulties
such
 as famine and suffering from certain diseases as well. To be addressed
this
 problem developed states ought to assist these developing
countries
 in need with drugs foods and clothes
as well as
 sending qualified doctors to treat patients who became a victim
some
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of some
show examples
 serious illness. In conclusion, it is hard to help all
people
 around the
world
 in need so governments should meet their
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 needs to make their lives better than aid others.
Submitted by dilnur9919 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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