IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
In modern society, it has been more and more convenient to live in
cities
, which leads to the result that the
population
 in rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 decreases dramatically. I personally think that it is an adverse development. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the pros and cons of
this
 trend.
To begin
 with, it is admitted that the increasing number of people moving to
cities
 can definitely bring plenty of advantages. A case in point is that it can have beneficial effects on countries' economic growth. There are more job prospects in
cities
 that attract the young to enter the workforce there
instead
 of
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
.
For example
, most of the world-famous companies are located
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
downtown,
such
 as Apple, which built its
headquarter
Correct subject-verb agreement
headquarters
show examples
 in New York.
Nevertheless
, I still believe that the trend of individuals keeping moving to
cities
 and causing the decrease in
population
 in rural places will lead to negative outcomes. First and foremost, there are many farms, forests and ports located in the countryside, as it provides a larger place to develop these industries.
However
, there is a decreasing number of young people who are unwilling to take part in agriculture-related jobs, which leads to a lack of labours involved in that career, and eventually causes a grave impact on providing ingredients to meet the needs of domestic markets.
Secondly
, an increasing
population
 in
cities
 may contribute to significantly soaring emissions of greenhouse gases.
For instance
, commuters need to commute every day, using traffic tools
such
 as cars, metro and buses, which is the key reason
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the soaring emissions of carbon dioxide . In conclusion,
although
 there may bring benefits for people to move to
cities
, I still maintain the idea that the decreasing
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
rural
population
 will lead to adverse
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
.
Submitted by juinneuf231069buying on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: