Nowadays online shopping is extremely popular. Discuss the impact of it on the environment and on people who lost their jobs because of it.

As time goes by, online shopping is gaining popularity gradually. Nowadays, it is really difficult to find someone who does not use online shopping. Surely, online shopping has changed our way of living easily.
However
, there is still growing debate over whether online shopping is positive or negative. In
this
modern world, online shopping has big advantages. Because of convenience and simplicity. The quality of human life has increased significantly by online shopping,
such
as Amazon.
In particular
, in our generation, most younger
people
are getting used to online shopping more deeply than in the
last
decade.
According to
a survey, the number of online shopping users increased exponentially between 2010 and 2022.
Above all
,
people
can save a lot of energy and time by using online shopping.
On the other hand
, there are two disadvantages to online shopping as well.
Firstly
, offline shopping mall position is getting weaker in society. Because there is no need to go out to purchase. But before online shopping came out,
people
could talk to each other in person by selling and buying. And that made
people
communities.
Secondly
,
due to
online shopping, many jobs have been disappearing more and more and unemployment rates are increasing at the same time. Because E-commerce companies provide
people
with many options for convenience. Customers always want to be provided convenient experience. It seems those
people
who lost their offline jobs should accept
this
phenomenon to survive. Because
this
big trend wave cannot be stopped. Maybe
this
tendency can be controversial for some
people
.
Submitted by ryujaekwang0928 on

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task response
Your essay has a clear and concise response to the task. However, consider incorporating more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific environmental impacts such as packaging waste or increased carbon emissions from delivery trucks.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the impacts on the environment and people who lost their jobs due to online shopping. Explicitly mentioning these points can guide your essay and provide a roadmap for your readers.
coherence cohesion
Add a conclusion to neatly summarize your main points and restate your either supporting the positive or critiquing the negative influence of online shopping.
task response
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of online shopping.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, which enhances readability. The divisions between the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping are clear.
language
The vocabulary and grammar used are generally strong, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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