IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
professionals
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as doctors and engineers, should be required to
work
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 where they studied. Others believe they should
work
Use synonyms
 wherever they want. In my opinion, highly educated
professionals
Use synonyms
 should have the freedom to choose where they
work
Use synonyms
, rather than being restricted to one location. On the one hand, mandating that highly educated
professionals
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 in the same
country
Use synonyms
 where they received their training can strengthen the local workforce in these specialized fields.
This
Linking Words
 approach allows companies and organisations to ease the gap between their demands and the provision.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, these qualified
professionals
Use synonyms
 are likely to seek employment in other countries that offer better opportunities and living conditions.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 seems to be a good manner, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 policy because, in my view, it may lead to
people
Use synonyms
 being dissatisfied with their workplaces. Other
people
Use synonyms
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, argue that the government should allow educated individuals to choose where they want to
work
Use synonyms
 because the option to choose one's
work
Use synonyms
 environment is a good way for individuals to discover what suits them best and what they truly desire in their careers. Workplace policies should be flexible to reduce the chances of strikes or reduced productivity.
For example
Linking Words
, some bachelors may major in a specific field, let us say archaeology, but the
country
Use synonyms
 where they pursue their education might have limited opportunities for them to
work
Use synonyms
 on their research. It would be beneficial if they could explore different locations and settle in a place that aligns with the requirements of their projects. I wholeheartedly support
this
Linking Words
 flexible approach because it respects the career purpose of these
professionals
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 mandating that
professionals
Use synonyms
 continue working in the same
country
Use synonyms
 where they were trained may address workforce demands, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should have the right to decide where they will dedicate themselves, especially considering their passions.
Submitted by vinhange on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure you develop your points fully with specific, real-world examples. While your essay included an example about majors in archaeology, additional concrete examples would have substantiated your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve your logical progression of ideas. Although your ideas are well-structured and paragraphs have clear central topics, better transitional sentences can provide improved flow between your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all statements contribute to the overall argument. Avoid phrases that do not add value to the point being made, such as 'Although this seems to be a good manner', which does not tie back to the main theme and causes slight confusion.
lexical resource
Try to vary your vocabulary more and use more complex sentence structures. Your essay was well-written, but more variety would demonstrate an improved command of the English language.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: