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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think government should lower the expenditure on arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#people #government #expenditure #arts #money #education
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Nowadays, many
indisviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 claim that
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 should spend less
money
Use synonyms
 on arts in order to increase spending amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on
education
Use synonyms
. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 idea makes sense. So, in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will
further
Linking Words
 explore
this
Linking Words
 thought-provoking issue. On the one hand,
art
Use synonyms
 is
important
Add an article
an important
the important
show examples
 thing in every culture.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
art
Use synonyms
 can express the local culture, represents the core ideas,purposes and so on.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Add an article
the authority
show examples
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 found different museums and all others similar things in order to support ethical values.
Also
Linking Words
, today many countries invest
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 modern
art
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, they encourage local artists. Construct different exhibition zones. These things are making for
people
Use synonyms
's self-development, for relaxation and so on.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals argued that modern
art
Use synonyms
 in some cases is
eyesore
Correct article usage
an eyesore
show examples
 and meaningless.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is
an
Change the article
apply
show examples
evident that
education
Use synonyms
ovewheight
Correct your spelling
overweight
art
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 various reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to be concerned about
literacy
Correct article usage
the literacy
show examples
 rate of their nation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, without intelligence
people
Use synonyms
 country will not become a superpower and cutting-edge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 gives you more opportunities than any other
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
. In conclusion, investing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 has more overwhelming results
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government should
shrugged
Change the verb form
shrug
show examples
expendenture
Correct your spelling
expenditure
 on
art
Use synonyms
 and allocate it
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 programs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as a matter of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fact for
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
 it will be more useful and beneficial.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 can be self-sufficient and earn
money
Use synonyms
 by themselves.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who like
art
Use synonyms
 and they are ready to donate tremendous sums
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 artist’s masterpieces.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are many families which cannot provide their children
good
Change preposition
with good
show examples
 quality
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by slobodanatol83 on

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