IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Boseity is becoming a major problem for kids and adults. What causes this problem and how to overcome this

#boseity #kids #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, with every growing competition all around the globe children and working adults are facing a major problem of weight gain, even though, there are numerous fitness centres. There could be various aspects which lead to these problems.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the reasons and their possible solutions. To commence, I would like to spare some light on the causes that have led the world towards obesity.
Firstly
Linking Words
, with the fast growth of society workers have very less time to spend with their family and even less time to cook a meal for themselves,
moreover
Linking Words
, with technological advancement more and more people are dependent on online applications for their food.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey report indicated that 90% of the labour working long hours order their lunch through Uber Eats, as they don't have any energy left for preparing a meal.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, children are introduced to online gaming platforms which restricts their outdoor activities, even more, couples do not have enough time for their children.
For example
Linking Words
, a study has proven that kids born between the years 2015-2023 are more prone to obesity than teenagers from the 90s, and the reason for
this
Linking Words
 is parents provide their newborns with phones, laptops and iPads to keep them busy
while
Linking Words
 they are working to late nights.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are solutions which could be implemented to reduce weight gain in the new generation.
To begin
Linking Words
, the government should introduce some new laws for overtime hours for workers which enables them to make their own food
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day,
in addition
Linking Words
, schools should initiate more ground activities to keep the youth healthy and fit and provide some lessons on the nutritional aspect of the food items.
Submitted by pulkitkatira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: