IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below gives the distribution of worldwide car sharing schemes (%) in 2008 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary. Write at least 150 words

The chart below gives the distribution of worldwide car sharing schemes (%) in 2008 and 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where necessary. Write at least 150 words
#distribution #car #schemes #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The provided line graph depicts the percentage of
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
age
 adults in four distinctive nations, namely France, the USA, Japan, and Germany between 1960 and 2015.
Overall
,
according to
 the graph, it is irrefutable that albeit the percentages of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
age
 population in all of these 4 countries
initially
 augmented, the rates of it significantly plummeted after
1990s
Change the article
the 1990s
show examples
. First of all, the rates of citizens of France ,who are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
working
age
, commenced to rise till the 1990s.
Subsequently
, it fluctuated for almost 20 years, and after that, it experienced a downward trend.
Moreover
, the factor of the United States
also
 rose until
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
, and
then
, it significantly fell. with regard to the other nations, the proportion of
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
age
 populations in Japan
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 experienced an upward trend and reached its crest in 1995.
Conversely
, the rate started to plummet till the end of the period after 1995.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
show examples
 of
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
age
 adults diminished to almost 63 per
cents
Fix the agreement mistake
cent
show examples
. After
1970s
Change the article
the 1970s
show examples
, it augmented and reach its peak ,which was almost as same as Japan's crest point. Ultimately,
according to
 the chart, it will proceed to decrease till the end of the period
Submitted by tukezaliyeva96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "according to".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "plummeted" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: