IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Adv: High income, have more Human Resources, develop the country Disadv: competitive rate,

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantage #situation #adv #income #resources #country #disadv #rate
It is true that the majority of citizens in some
countries
 these days
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 mostly young
adults
, compared with the
number
 of older
people
. It is my belief that the positive effects of
this
 trend could certainly
offsets
Change the verb form
offset
show examples
 the disadvantages. There are several drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having a relatively large
number
 of young
adults
. One obvious drawback
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the competitive rate is significantly high in these
countries
. The reason is that because of the huge young population, these teenagers will have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pressure in many ways,
such
 as entrance
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
,
find
Correct word choice
and find
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work when there are a
lot
 of
people
 who are better than them.
At
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
show examples
, many teenagers have mental health problems when they have to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
peer pressure every day .
For example
,
according to
 Vietcetera, Chinese students have to pass
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 exam
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
called "gaokao" with a
lot
 of pressure to enter their dream universities.
However
, having a
lot
 of young
people
 can bring certain benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
 have more human resources when they have a huge
number
 of young
adults
. There will be more talented
people
appear
Wrong verb form
appearing
show examples
 in different fields
such
 as Arts, technology and so on. It may help these
countries
 develop and rises the GDP per person
while
 the old
people
 may not be able to work
due to
 their health. Another benefit is that there are more new ideas and innovations with the existence of young
people
.
This
 is because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters
often
Add a missing verb
are often
show examples
 creative at their ages, they're
also
 energetic and have their own aspirations.
For instance
, a
lot
 of
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 innovations were made by young
people
 during Covid-19 to fight against the pandemic. In conclusion, the advantages of having a relatively large
number
 of young
adults
 are more worthwhile than its possible drawbacks
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: