IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Alonging
Correct your spelling
Along
A longing
 with the development of society, families'
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
, structure and the number of members are changing very fast. Some people put forth the argument that we should study
about
Change preposition
apply
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family
history
Use synonyms
,
while
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 others believe that we should concentrate on the present and
future
Use synonyms
generations
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.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives and propose my opinion about
this
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 problem. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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cannot
deny
Wrong verb form
be denied
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 that
history
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 an important role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
life
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, including family
history
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. Studying about the past
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us to learn
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 our
ancestors
Change noun form
ancestor's
ancestors'
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archivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
 and
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
, which can improve our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It
also
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 takes part in the family tradition conservation.
For instance
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, several
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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 in Viet Nam keep the tradition of making
potery
Correct your spelling
pottery
poetry
 products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or restore some kinds of arts that their family
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to perform in the past.
Lastly
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, family
history
Use synonyms
 gives us something to
Add a missing verb
be pround
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pround
Correct your spelling
proud
 of, so it can improve our mood and make us more
satisfy
Change the form of the verb
satisfied
show examples
 with our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, the concentration on the present and
future
Use synonyms
generations
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 is crucial. From my perspective,
this
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 is more significant than
study
Correct article usage
the study
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about
Change preposition
of
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history
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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,
history
Use synonyms
 is in the past we cannot change what
was
Verb problem
has
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happended
Correct your spelling
happened
.
However
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, we can improve the
future
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 our care
to
Change preposition
for
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education
Correct article usage
the education
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, health and
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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 of our children. In fact, in Viet Nam, just a
little
Correct word choice
small
show examples
 number of
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 know clearly about their ancestors
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further
Rephrase
more
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 than 5
generations
Use synonyms
.
Due to
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this
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 reality, we can conclude that
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 about family does not have much
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
 on these days
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on the development of the next
generations
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bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 several benefits to our society. To demonstrate, after the improvement of education in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
 after 1945, we defeated France and America to gain our independence, and the
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of people and the economy of our country
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
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 increased.
Therefore
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,
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on the next
generations
Use synonyms
 has many advantages in several factors
such
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 as
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and
life
Use synonyms
satisfiaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
. In conclusion, I believe that
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 about family
history
Use synonyms
 is important.
However
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, focus on the
future
Use synonyms
 generation is more significant, because it
improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 our
Correct your spelling
community
comunity
Correct your spelling
community
 in many aspects

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Task Achievement
Ensure all paragraphs present clear central ideas that directly address the prompt. Expand your ideas with more specific and relevant examples to create stronger arguments. Avoid broad or generic statements without direct ties to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance logical structuring by creating more explicit connections between ideas. Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to help your essay flow more naturally. Each paragraph should have a clear main point, explained and developed coherently.
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