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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development
Medical
Care
   Nowadays, medical
care
 is the most important in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
human life.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
 is necessary to take
care
 of our health.
However
,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 generation
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
care
 has evolved significantly
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 machines and technology,
this
 helps in the treatment of serious diseases,
for example
, cancers, heart disease and other diseases it could infect humans.    
To begin
 with, once we
care
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 our health it helps
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 human life.
For instance
, my grandfather want to stay alive more
as
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 he could, to see his Grandsons
growing
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 and teach them how to talk,
also
 how to walk. In order, for
this
 to be possible he created a table every 15 days he should have a
examine
Replace the word
examination
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 his health by medical
care
.     
Moreover
, in the past
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
one infected with cancer disease they wouldn't do anything to be treated
instead
 using
painkiller
Fix the agreement mistake
painkillers
show examples
 only, but at the moment there's an effective treatment for
this
 disease. In short, now we are living with technology and everything is not possible it can be possible.    
secondly
, the countries with weak medical
care
 diseases, perhaps there is a chance of overcoming a serious illness. mostly
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of weak medical
care
 is for people are
weak
Add an article
a weak
the weak
show examples
 source of income.
In addition
, sick people
with above
Change preposition
over
show examples
 60 years
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can't work to
obtaining
Wrong verb form
obtain
show examples
 a source of
in come
Correct your spelling
income
show examples
instead
, the government should take
care
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 old people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 retired. But it might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the government of costs.   
Finally
,
according to
 the above reasons, my opinion is there are an apparently higher amount of advantages than disadvantages.
Submitted by hamoudisayyah on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • elderly population
  • health care systems
  • pension funds
  • extended family relationships
  • quality of life
  • aging population
  • economic growth
  • volunteer work
  • expertise
  • financial planning
  • retirement
  • age-related diseases
  • medical research
  • healthier lifestyles
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