IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many believe that living in a city offers greater benefits compared to life in the Countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#city #life #countryside
In
this
 contemporary era, migration from villages to metropolitan downtown is increasing at an alarming rate
However
, the majority of people ponder that city life is
too far good
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 than spending time in rural zones. I adamantly agree with
this
 notion.
This
 essay with discuss all the reasons why city life is too far better than survival in remote locations.
To begin
 with, The predominant reason is the availability of work opportunities
as well as
 facilities. To elaborate on
this
, the majority of people shift from the countryside to big cities in order to claim more work opportunities
as well as
 facilities that they never take the taste of advancement of amenities in rural areas. Mumbai cities of India take as an example, the folks Who lived near to
this
 city or outside of Mumbai now their migration are growing at an alarming pace to relocate Into the centre of Mumbai.
Consequently
, the reason behind relocation is to hike the standard of survival.
Moreover
, recreational
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertainment facilities
also
 be the reason for the migration of individuals.
On the other hand
, the folks who assume that living in big capital leads to an expansion of pollution
as well as
become
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
enhancing trash around the downtown zone which again
attributes
Verb problem
contributes
show examples
 to producing hazardous diseases that reduce the expectancy of life span
Instead
 of living in rural areas are too excellent. The environment of remote zones delivers significant fresh and toxic-free air to the people that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them to remain fit in their survival.
For instance
, The trend of shifting from big
metropolis
Correct your spelling
metropolises
show examples
 to pleasant places is prevailing in Western countries across the world.
As a result
, living in a big metropolis
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a lot of comfort but it leads to a reduction in lifespan. In conclusion,
Although
slaying
Verb problem
living
show examples
 in big downtown have some devastating effect on a human, I believe that working
as well as
 living in big cities always provide a feeling of luxury.
Submitted by jagdeepsandhu357 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay contains several grammatical errors and lacks coherence and clarity. The arguments are not well-developed and the examples used are not effectively supporting the main points. The introduction and conclusion are inadequate.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak, and there is a lack of coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are not effectively supported.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is limited, and there are numerous instances of awkward and unclear language use. There is a need for expansion of vocabulary and improvement in the selection and use of words and phrases.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is quite limited, and there are numerous errors in tense usage, word formation, and sentence structure. There is a need for improvement in the range and accuracy of grammar used.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • infrastructure
  • cosmopolitan
  • commute
  • sociocultural
  • prosperity
  • sustainability
  • rural
  • tranquility
  • urbanization
  • relocation
  • residential
  • populace
  • ecological footprint
What to do next:
Look at other essays: