IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Number of Employed Persons by Job Type and Sex, Australia, Last Year

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words. Number of Employed Persons by Job Type and Sex, Australia, Last Year
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The table illustrates seven different jobs and the number of heads in each job
according to
 gender in
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 year. It is obvious that most of the employees were male except
two
Change preposition
for two
show examples
 job types.
Overall
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of men worked as tradespeople and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 900 thousand
while
 people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 clerical
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
just
Add a missing verb
were just
show examples
 below that number. The least amount of men were engaged as laborers and it was 500 less than the highest value.
In addition
,nearly 1000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women worked as clerical in
last
 year
although
 their amounts 100 of both tradespeople and production sectors.
Similarly
, there were 700 ladies
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 professionals
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is more than gents because male professionals were 600-700
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 year.
However
, women had been working as
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 200-300.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 represent
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 as well
although
male's
Change noun form
males
show examples
 amount less in
this
 type.
However
, it was not passed
gents'
Correct article usage
the gents'
show examples
 number
Submitted by shanikanir86 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although, however".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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