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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most common solution for criminal behaviour is prison but many believe education is a better method. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#behaviour #prison #education #method
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Locking
criminals
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 has remained the main answer to a felony,
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however
Add a comma
,however
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 some argue that there is a better solution which is to enhance the
education
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 system. I will argue that,
While
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 it is still essential for
criminals
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 to be sentenced to prison for that subsequent
crime
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, improving
education
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 should attract the most attention from the authorities. One reason for agreeing with focusing on developing
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education
Correct article usage
an education
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 system as a remedy for criminal behaviours is that it will eventually bring about economic benefits not only for
society
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 but
also
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 for individuals.
This
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 is because more graduation can open more opportunities for people in
society
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 to generate more revenue and set up new businesses.
Consequently
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,
this
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 development will decrease the unemployment rate and would cause better welfare for the members of
society
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, which strips them of reasons to commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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. Take
for example
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 China, which had experienced a high poverty level and staggering criminality before becoming an economic superpower.
This
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 curb in
crime
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 rate is mainly
due to
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 the rise in citizens' welfare levels
as well as
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 the government's attempts to enhance infrastructure and the particular
education
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 system.
Hence
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, improving schools and universities is essential in combating
crime
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 since it will give opportunities for the progression of the economy and the convenience of citizens.
Moreover
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, law enforcement should have the tools to implement the laws and spread justice. It is important to deter people from committing
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 and incentivise citizens' good behaviours. Prison is one of the many ways of controlling
society
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 based on the laws imposed, ensuring that
society
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 would not fall into chaos.
For instance
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, South Asia countries
such
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 as Vietnam and South Korea have been successful in combating drug trafficking as these countries imposed strict legislation to penalise those responsible.
By contrast
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, European countries did not act well in
this
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 regard since their authorities were unable to come up with laws to prevent
criminals
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 in
this
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 area. In conclusion,
while
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 enforcing the law on felons in the form of prison is essential for deterring
criminals
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 from committing
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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, the government ought to invest in
education
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 simultaneously since it will give economic benefits to people and make them unwilling to commit
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
Submitted by sajadtorab on

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