IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart gives information about the proportion differences
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who were born in and outside
Australia
Use synonyms
living
Correct word choice
and living
show examples
 in three different areas in two years 1995 and 2010. It is obvious that most
people
Use synonyms
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
 in the cities,
whereas
Linking Words
towns
Use synonyms
 were the place that had the least residents of the three. Looking at the left chart, we can see that there were half the
people
Use synonyms
 who born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 lived in the city in 1995. The figure for rural dwellers was 30% and 20% of the
people
Use synonyms
 stayed
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
towns
Use synonyms
. There were 60% of the residents, who lived in the city, born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
. The percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who lived in rural
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
show examples
 and
towns
Use synonyms
 was 40% and 20% respectively.
According to
Linking Words
 the rest of the bar chart, around 65% of the residents lived in cities and both rural areas and
towns
Use synonyms
 had 15% each type. Moving on to
people
Use synonyms
 who born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
, 80% was the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 who live in cities, 10% of the
people
Use synonyms
 lived in
towns
Use synonyms
 and there was only 5% lived in rural areas in 2010.
Submitted by tram.vomy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, towns with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: