IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

It has become more easier and more affordable for people to travel to other countries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience.

#people #travel #countries #development
It has always been argued that nowadays, it is quite convenient to go to other countries and at a reasonable price. In my opinion, it is a welcome development and
this
 essay shall dwell upon my perspective in subsequent paragraphs. Foremost, why has migration become easier and more affordable?
This
 is because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it creates job opportunities. To elaborate, when
people
 go to other continents
for exploring
Change preposition
to explore
show examples
, they have to require everything
such
 as food outlets, shopping stores and many more where many
people
 may do jobs and it reduces unemployment.
For instance
, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that 65% of
people
 visit Thailand as
that is
 a tourist spot and it gets occupation to jobless individuals.
Besides
this
, with the advancement of digitalization
people
 might to another country
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
reasonable
Correct article usage
a reasonable
show examples
 price and in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
time
. In the past
time
, humans used to go by
ships
Fix the agreement mistake
ship
show examples
 to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
counrities
Correct your spelling
countries
counties
 which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 far away from their nation and it
consumes
Wrong verb form
consumed
show examples
 more
time
,
whereas
 these days it is easy to go anywhere with the assistance of technology.
For example
, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that approximately 75% of mankind have been satisfied with the invention of aeroplanes because it is
easier
Add an article
an easier
show examples
 and affordable rate.
To conclude
, I personally believe that it to be a favourable effect it not only generates many job opportunities but
also
 saves
time
.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your response provides relevant points, but some of them are not clearly developed or supported with examples. Try to expand on your ideas and provide specific details to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction of your essay briefly outlines your perspective, but the conclusion is rather brief. Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points and perspective.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: