IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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We have 2 line graphs, the first one tells us about the change observed in purchasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electrical gadgets.
While
Linking Words
 the other explains the time spent on house chores in homes in a specific country from 1920 till 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, we see that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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in 1920 the refrigerator had no popularity at all. But after some time, in 1980 and onwards it was owned by all the homes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 of housework is showing
drastic
Add an article
a drastic
show examples
 decrease from 1920 to 2019.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the vacuum cleaner and the washing machine
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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used by 30% and 40% of the
households
Use synonyms
 respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
 0%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 had refrigerators in their homes in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1920. In 1940 the use of
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 suddenly increased and was found in almost 50%
Use synonyms
households
Change preposition
of households
show examples
 which was in between that of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 (60%) and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 (50%).
However
Linking Words
, tables took
turn
Add an article
a turn
show examples
 in 1980 and
afterwards
Add a comma
,afterwards
show examples
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
refrigerator
Add an article
the refrigerator
show examples
 was owned by 100% of
households
Use synonyms
,
vacuum
Add an article
the vacuum
show examples
 cleaner was present in 90% of houses but later in 2000 it was
also
Linking Words
 available in 100% of houses. Surprisingly, the washing machine demand in 2019 remained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as it was in 1960 i.e., slightly higher than 70%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the housework which includes washing clothes, preparing meals, cleaning etc., in
households
Use synonyms
 was seen to decrease over time.
As in
Change preposition
In
show examples
 1920 it was 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per week, in 1960 it decreased to 20
hours
Use synonyms
 per week and
lastly
Linking Words
 in 2019 it declined to nearly 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per week.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, households with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • electrical appliances
  • housework
  • time frame
  • variables
  • trends
  • significant milestones
  • turning points
  • correlation
  • reduction
  • influenced
  • societal implications
  • quality of life
  • gender roles
  • economic implications
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