IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

New technology has resulted in many jobs, which used to be performed by people, now being done by computers or robots. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, technology development has become an integral part of modern life, bringing both benefits and challenges. It is argued that many occupations are replaced with computers or robots
instead
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 of humans. I firmly believe that
this
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 trend has more demerits than its merits, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. On the one hand, one major advantage of getting more
work
Use synonyms
 done by technological gadgets is that it enhances speed and accuracy, leading to improved productivity at the workplace.
For instance
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, multinational company Amazon is now using artificial intelligence to resolve customer service issues, which is providing sophisticated results to consumers more quickly.
As a result
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, many
people
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 experience an improvement in their
overall
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 quality of life.
On the other hand
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, applying more technology at the workplace leaves an adverse impact on workers.
Firstly
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, it gives rise to the levels of unemployment. When the majority of
work
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 is done by computers or robots,
then
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 companies need fewer manual workers to perform tasks, which ultimately leads to a reduction in their living
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
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, and several
people
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 experience stress and mental issues.
For example
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, it is estimated that in the United States, 30% of
work
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 is done by artificial intelligence, which is now replacing office jobs as well.
Apart from
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this
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,
people
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 are struggling to find suitable jobs based on their experience.
Consequently
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, applying artificial intelligence in the workplace reduces the
overall
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 growth of society. In conclusion,
although
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 the application of technological advancements in the place of
work
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 has some merits, I personally believe it has more demerits as it diminishes the development of the living standard of the
people
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.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your introduction to include a clearer outline of the points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will enhance the reader's understanding of the direction of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to link your ideas more smoothly within paragraphs and between them, using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve overall flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support your points, particularly regarding the impact of technology on employment and living standards.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument with a strong personal opinion, which is well communicated throughout.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay effectively, with clear paragraphs for each main point, contributing to readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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