IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them to learn this distinction.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction
There are 2 types of people. Some believe that should not strictly educate
children
 at an early age. Let them choose for themselves what they want. But others are on the side of showing
children
 from childhood what is good and what is bad. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 we should from an early age tell, explain and
also
 show
by
Correct your spelling
my
show examples
 own examples all good and bad, and sometimes punish them if there is a reason. People belonging to the first group believe that in the early stages of
development
Add a comma
,development
show examples
 the main qualities of character are formed in
children
.
Such
 as self-confidence,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
sense of self-sufficiency, and if they are punished for bad deeds for educational purposes, they can grow insecure,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the future will not be able to stand up
fir
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 themselves, stand up for their rights. They
also
 believe that the child himself should choose what should he do, whether it is bad or good, because over time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when he grows up, he himself will understand all his mistakes and decide for himself what to do next. Others completely disagree with
this
 opinion. They believe that from an early
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 you need to start accustoming them to everything.
The
Correct word choice
If the
show examples
 child did something good, you need to praise him, and if he did something wrong, you need to show him how to do it. But how to be in situations when
children
 deliberately act badly? In
such
 moments they are not against punishment. Punishment should not be severe. It will be enough to reduce the time they spend
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching TV, not let
play
Correct pronoun usage
them play
show examples
 outside with friends,
refuse
Correct word choice
and refuse
show examples
 to buy a new thing for a
while
 until they realize their mistakes. They believe that
due to
 the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modern parents are too protective of their
children
, allowing them everything,
children
 become unbalanced, capricious,
naughty
Correct word choice
and naughty
show examples
.
Thay
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
also
cease
Change the verb form
ceases
show examples
 to respect the tastes of their other people. In the end, neither one nor the other can come to an agreement. Since they are all different
children
, some become smarter after being punished and begin to act differently, and someone out of spite acts even worse. Every child needs an individual approach to
educated
Change the form of the verb
educate
show examples
. My opinion is that the
children
 should be punished during education and explain why
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 got it.
Submitted by islomov1229 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: