The world is heavily dependent on oil for energy. Do you think a future resource will take oil’s place? Why do you think this?

#world #oil #energy #future #resource #oil’s #place

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For centuries,

oil

has advanced civilization and created breakthrough inventions.

Thus

, the lifeblood of our modern society. Despite

this

, it is my contention that renewable

energy

and

biofuels

will take

oil

’s place, as these alternatives have proven to be more beneficial for the environment and local communities. The subsequent sections of

this

essay will explain

this

. Global warming and climate changes worldwide are largely caused by

oil

however

Add the comma(s)

however,

show examples

renewable

energy

has proven to contribute no harmful chemicals that can damage the environment.

For example

, David Attenborough conducted a study at National Geographic that indicated that fossil fuels are responsible for 89% of pollution, which causes a disturbance in biodiversity.

In addition

, renewable

energy

like solar and wind are

also

cost effective

Add a hyphen

cost-effective

show examples

and can

safe

Replace the word

save

show examples

governments money. Given

this

, I firmly believe that renewable

energy

is a more suitable option, as it causes less greenhouse gas emissions.

Biofuels

are a modem invention that can completely erase the usage of

oil

For example

, a study at Green Agriculture found that

biofuels

have the potential to completely replace other

energy

sources, as they can be produced in almost all regions.

Additionally

biofuels

consist of various organic matter, which can financially benefit communities and farmers because they are not

government owned

Add a hyphen

government-owned

show examples

, like

oil

Hence

, in my opinion,

biofuels

have the potential to create more opportunities for humans, which allows them to live in a better economy. In conclusion, renewable

energy

and

biofuels

have the potential to replace

oil

in the foreseeable future, as I believe they are better for the environment and can benefit local economies. The entire world will benefit if alternative sources are implicated.

Submitted by jessicajreichel on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Examples

Keep working on illustrating your arguments with more specific examples to further strengthen your task response.

Cohesion

Try to ensure a varied and extensive use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the essay.

Structure

Your essay is well structured, providing a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization significantly contributes to its coherence.

Supported Points

Your main points are well supported by explanations, which helps in achieving the task response.

Examples

You effectively use renewable energy and biofuels as examples, which demonstrates your ability to present relevant and specific examples to support your argument.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

273 words

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The world is heavily dependent on oil for energy. Do you think a future resource will take oil’s place? Why do you think this?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

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Some people believe that countries should produce the food to feed their population themselves and import as little as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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