The table below give information about Favourite Pastimes in different countries.

The table below give information about Favourite Pastimes in different countries.
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The table shows various activities that
people
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between 30-50 years old engage in during their free time in 8 different countries (Canada, France, England, Australia, Korea, China, USA, and Japan). These pastimes include TV, Sports, Reading, Hobbies, Music, Beach, and Sleep.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all 8 countries reading occupies most
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people
Change noun form
people's
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time,
this
Linking Words
is followed by having hobbies, watching TV and sleeping.
First,
Linking Words
most readers are in Japan where 62
people
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reads
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read
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,
while
Linking Words
, 60
people
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in China and Korea
also
Linking Words
enjoys
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoy
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reading books compared to the beach and
sleep
Wrong verb form
sleeping
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with only 5
people
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on
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
. In terms of watching TV, Australia has the highest number with 65 readers, seconded by Canada and the USA with 60 adults. When it comes to sports and music,
less
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fewer
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people
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engage in these activities.
For example
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, it is indicated that in France, England, and Japan no one does any kind of sport. But, Australia and China
participates
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participate
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in sort events with 30 and 25
people
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respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, music is not so popular in all the countries except for the USA which has 23
people
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, 20 of the England residents tend to sleep to pastime.
Submitted by deborahmmunengami on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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