IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagre

#people #difference #job #disagre
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In the present world, the economic condition is getting better.
However
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, inequality is still high, especially in developing countries. One of the inequality cases is shown in the big
wage
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gap
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 among employees. The
wage
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gap
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 reflects bad governance and
also
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 creates social
problems
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 in the community.
This
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 analysis will highlight the reason for the importance of eliminating the
wage
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gap
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. Everyone has the right to have a fair and decent-paid job. But, in reality, social norms and stigmas often cause the difference in
wage
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 levels.
For example
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, despite the increasing number of female labour force participation over the decades,
problems
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 still appear. One of the
problems
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 is the high
wage
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gap
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, especially for women. Unfortunately, most developing countries only focus on increasing the number of female workers not on improving the quality.
Additionally
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, the social stigmas that are given to females raise the difficulty for them to get a formal job. The difference in
wage
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 level for the same job position indicates discrimination.
This
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 discrimination could occur among gender, age group, ethnicity, religion, or other conditions.
For instance
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, a study in the United States showed that black people tend to have lower wages compared to white people.
Furthermore
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, the study
also
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 found that people in rural areas are more likely to work in informal jobs that have a lower income. If
this
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 condition persists, it will trigger social conflict in the community. The big
wage
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gap
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 is one of the indicators of social
problems
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 in the community. It violates human rights and indicates any discrimination which could hinder economic development.
In addition
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, these
problems
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 will increase the potential for social tension. In order to mitigate those
problems
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, the government should focus on improving the quality of workers and provide relevant regulations that ensure equal wages for everyone.
Submitted by dimitriswasthika on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your arguments are consistently centered. Some points about social issues and stigma could be woven more closely into the central theme of wage disparity to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Add more specific examples backed by data or studies where possible to strengthen your points. This will add depth to your argument.
task achievement
You addressed the topic well, discussing both social stigmas and the results of having a wage gap.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively convey your message.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a logical sequence and tackles different aspects of wage gap implications.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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