IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
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Some
people
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 argue that playing
team
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sports
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 provides
people
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 with more benefits as opposed to participating in individual
sports
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. I believe that both types of
sports
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 can provide an array of advantages to
people
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, and it depends on which benefits each
wishes
Change to a singular noun
wish
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 to achieve in order to choose which
sport
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 they should opt to participate in. On the one hand,
team
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sports
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,
such
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 as football and basketball, provide several benefits to those who play.
For example
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,
team
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sports
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 allow players to cultivate interpersonal skills,
such
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 as teamwork and communication, which will not only help
people
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 in their day-to-day social interactions but
also
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 prove advantageous in their professional
endeavors
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endeavours
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.
Additionally
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,
team
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sports
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 foster a sense of unity, camaraderie, and sportsmanship among teammates, substantially enriching
people
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's lives by instilling a sense of belonging.
Conversely
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, individual
sports
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,
such
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 as tennis and swimming,
also
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 hold their merits. When someone plays an individual
sport
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, it usually gives them more opportunities to nurture their aptitudes,
such
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 as being able to manage emotions, manage stress adeptly, and build confidence and self-esteem. When
people
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 are playing an individual
sport
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, they usually have no one else to rely on for support during the game or match, and
therefore
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, individuals will need to develop a strong mindset to be able to confront and surmount adversities they may face. Individual
sports
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also
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 provide better opportunities for
people
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 to challenge themselves by setting goals and achieving personal bests. In conclusion, I firmly believe that all
sports
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 bestow significant advantages on individuals' mental and physical well-being., and that
people
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 should choose whatever
sport
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 they are most interested in playing.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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