Nowadays, people all over the world are spending more and more time apart from their families. Why is this happening? How does this affect people and their families?

In recent days, men and women in all countries spend too much time without their
families
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. The origin of
this
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issue seems to be based on several areas, 2 of which are as follows but have a number of negative effects.
To begin
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with, 2 reasons may well explain why
this
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problem has occurred.
Firstly
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, The widespread use of the Internet and social media results in people being unwilling to spend time with their households.
For example
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, social media platforms
such
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as
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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and Instagram that offer easy access to communication and sharing information, movies and pictures with others all over the world are becoming more attractive than spending hours with members of
families
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for the population ,especially youngsters.
Secondly
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,
as a result
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of financial problems, most citizens have to work for many hours in the day to be able to provide for their basic needs.
Consequently
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, they are deprived of being with their households.
However
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,
this
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issue can affect only in negative ways. First and foremost is depression. People
that
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who
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are not spending time apart from their
families
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are more prone to getting depressed than others and they feel more alone.
For instance
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, statistics show that
,
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apply
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the number of people that suffer from depression increased compared with the past, resulting in separation from their
families
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. Another possible consequence is falling family bonds. Children often do not feel their absent parent’s love, causing resentment in some cases. The relationship between spouses is particularly strained, which is why marital affairs and divorce often occur. In conclusion, spending more and more dates apart from family has happened
due to
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some factors
such
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as the attractiveness of The internet and social media and working a lot, they have some demerits effects

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from deeper exploration of the implications of the issue on families and individuals. Consider adding more detail about the effects you mention.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could flow more smoothly. Try using more varied linking words for better coherence between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work for grammatical accuracy and clarity could help improve your score.
task achievement
The identification of reasons why people spend time apart from their families is relevant and well articulated.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which helps in navigating through the points presented.
task achievement
Use of specific examples, such as social media and financial pressures, effectively supports your arguments.
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