Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether
people
become more dependent on surrounding persons
arise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
two distinct answers: yes or no. Personally, I agree with the view that
people
exhibit greater dependence than ever before. It is true that nowadays
people
tend to stay away from their hometown and seek a satisfying position, which makes
people
consider independence to become more popular in current society.
For example
, a young man who cannot get a job with an adequate salary for living always goes to the big city and
find
Correct subject-verb agreement
finds
show examples
high-profit jobs. In
this
case, residents are more independent of their relatives who live in their hometown. Meanwhile, the
high-stressed
Correct your spelling
high-stress
show examples
lifestyle occupies adults' free time, exhausting them and
further
decreasing their contact with family, friends and cooperators. In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that adults actually require more consideration and attention from
people
around them compared with the past. We have to recognize that
people
are eager to be concerned, which stems from basic human nature, and stay in various groups.
For instance
, the relationship between
people
in the past
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
simple since they always
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
in the rural and only
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
connections with fewer
people
who
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
close to them.
However
, adults in the city are required to play different roles in different groups. When
people
want to change their social relationships, they will find it difficult
due to
heavy dependence. In a word, I totally approve that
people
become more dependent on the communities and groups they stay in.
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task response
While the essay attempts to address the topic, it lacks clarity in presenting a complete response to the prompt. The arguments meander and don't fully address both views presented in the prompt. More focused and structured development of the ideas is required to improve task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion in organizing ideas, with logical sequencing of points and well-structured paragraphs. However, there is a need for stronger integration of introduction and conclusion to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
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