IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Food travels thousands of miles from producers to consumers, some people think that it would be better for environment and economy if people ate only yhe local food produced by the farmers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact domestic
food
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 has a significant impact on our daily lives.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the best way to preserve the
environment
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 and the growth of the economy is to purchase
food
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 locally, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the concept of producing
food
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 from farmers
instead
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 of unhealthy places is vital to our society.
To begin
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 with, to keep our habitat clean and refreshing by eating local resources, it has several methods to conserve it.
In other words
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, industrial
food
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 destroys our
environment
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 by increasing pollution and producing
this
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food
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 requires a large amount of water and energy.
In addition
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, these foods contribute to damage to natural resources.
For example
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, there is an article that says " All industrial
food
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 has a massive issue whether for the
environment
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 to people or animals,so we should cope with it through cooperation with each other. Another point to consider, the economy is greatly affected if we get suppliers from abroad. It is
also
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 possible to say that takes a lot of money and effort to provide
this
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 type of
food
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 to our nation and that leads to inflation of the budget.
Moreover
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, the economic aspect is crucial and we must consume a local brand of
food
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 to release it.
For instance
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, the Canadian government imposed a decision to bring suppliers from domestic brands to maintain their economic status. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I strongly agree with
this
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 statement
due to
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 fostering our
environment
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 and our budget is rising.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction establishes the topic well, but consider providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your argument. This will help guide the reader through your ideas.
Task Achievement
While you have provided some examples, adding more specific evidence or detailed examples to support your points would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the concept of producing food from farmers instead of unhealthy places'), which can distract from your overall message. Proofread your essay for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
Task Achievement
You have identified key points relevant to the debate on local food consumption and the environment.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main argument and reiterates your stance.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • sustainable agriculture
  • food miles
  • local economy
  • self-sustaining communities
  • preservatives
  • ecosystems
  • global trade
  • nutritional variety
  • farm-to-table
  • agricultural traditions
  • seasonality
  • feasibility
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
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