IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that modern designs for schools and offices with more open spaces are necessary. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such spaces? Give your opinion.

In the contemporary era, it is opined by a few people that it is essential for the infrastructure of buildings
such
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 as schools and offices should comprise open
areas
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. In my perspective, it is coThis essay will discuss the benefits and some drawbacks regarding the aforementioned notion
along with
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 my opinion. To commence with, there is a myriad of benefits of the asserted statement. One of the most predominant benefits is that a larger space directly means that the management can conduct several co-curricular activities which is not possible in a small area.
Moreover
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, it will eliminate the congestive environment and foster the skills and development of both employees and students.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by 'THE TIMES OF INDIA' revealed that academic institutions and offices that have spacious buildings, people their work more positively as compared to other congested buildings as they create a messy environment,
On the contrary
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, there is one main disadvantage of open space in
such
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areas
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. First and foremost is that the maintenance cost will be
subsequently
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 increased . In other words, more workers need to be hired in order to promote hygienic conditions .
Therefore
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, they need to be paid for their work.
For example
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, schools and offices provide salaries to the
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
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 who work and maintain them. In my opinion, it will be more beneficial for both to encourage building special open
areas
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 which contribute not only to the development of students but
also
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 ameliorate the reputation of the building through attractive interiors and designs . In conclusion, even though there are some negative aspects
but
Correct word choice
apply
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those can be deterred by small investments spent on the cleanliness of the
areas
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, open spaces should be constructed for a lot of advantages.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Use better linking words for smoother transitions.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to better support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and phrasing for clarity, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good job in introducing both advantages and disadvantages clearly.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion in your conclusion, which is a strong point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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