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Band 5

In some countries today, many people decide to have their first child when they are older. What are the reasons? Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #first #child #outweigh
Due to
 the hectic lifestyles,it has been observed that in several nations,individuals plan to have babies not immediately after the marriage but
instead
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
prefer it after a gap of certain years.
This
 trend has been followed because of the enormous reasons that I would like to explicate in the first paragraphs.
However
,I profoundly assert that its pros are more in comparison with its pons and I would like to cast light on my views in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with,the first and foremost reason behind
this
 trend is parents want to have
kids
 when they have financial security in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.Not only, do they want to provide the best education to their children
moreover
, but they
also
 want to secure their future by ensuring that they have enough resources and all the luxuries of life.
For example
,a recent survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
done by the 'Family Planning
Organisation'
Change noun form
Organisation
show examples
 depicts that in the United States,Guardians plan to have children when they are older than 32 years and the reason is couples have high dreams for their
kids
.
For
this
 reason,it is commonly observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
marriage
decides
Correct subject-verb agreement
decide
show examples
on having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
kids
 after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 particular age.
Furthermore
,there are abundant advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 planning to have
kids
 at a later age.
Firstly
, the couple gets a chance to have security in their job.In spite of the work pressure they face at the
workplace
Add a comma
workplace,
show examples
 there are several more complications in their daily chores.
For instance
,multifarious reports show that the best age for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couples to save their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 expenses is when they are between 20-30 as they are not only energetic during
this
 period
likewise
 they swiftly change themselves
according to
 the numerous conditions.In the end,partners tend to have children when they ensure
safety
Replace the word
a safe
show examples
 and secure life.
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coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and punctuation issues, such as spacing after commas and periods. This helps maintain a clean and professional appearance in your writing.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the conclusion section summarizes your key points effectively, reiterating the stance taken in the introduction for better coherence.
logical structure
Enhance the logical flow by adding transition words and phrases to connect different sections and paragraphs smoothly.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant and specific examples like the survey from the 'Family Planning Organisation,' which supports the main points effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
The arguments presented in favor of financial security and job stability as reasons for having children later in life are clear and comprehensive.
supported main points
The essay generally follows a structured format with an introduction, body paragraphs, and an implicit conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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