Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #focus #pollution #illness #disease

Some individuals believe authorities should concentrate on minimizing environmental contamination and housing issues to assist

people

prevent

Wrong verb form

in preventing

show examples

illness

and disease. I totally agree with

this

statement.

To begin

with, I completely believe

the

Correct your spelling

that

show examples

lawmakers should focus on mitigating environmental

pollution

and housing problems to help

people

prevent

illness

and disease. Regarding

pollution

, air

pollution

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a negative

impacts

Correct the article-noun agreement

impact

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health.

This

is because air

pollution

lead to serious

diseases

namely, cancer, high blood pressure, and asthma.

Therefore

, by

adressing

Correct your spelling

addressing

air

pollution

the

government

can prevent

people

to get

Change preposition

from getting

show examples

these

diseases

and

illness

Fix the agreement mistake

illnesses

show examples

Furthermore

, the

government

should focus

to tackle

Change preposition

on tackling

show examples

the issue of

water

pollution

in order to

ehnance

Correct your spelling

enhance

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health.

For example

, the

government

can build more desalination plants in

ordet

Correct your spelling

order

to make fresh

water

accessible for

people

Consequnetly

Correct your spelling

Consequently

, make fresh

water

available for all

people

, which

this

step

contribute

Change the verb form

contributes

show examples

prevent

Change the verb form

preventing

show examples

people

to get

Change preposition

from getting

show examples

illnesses and

diseases

Change preposition

show examples

water

contaminated

Replace the word

contamination

show examples

namely, HIV, and Ebola. When it comes to housing issues, many

people

live in overcrowding apartments, which

this

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

people

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

more vulnerable to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

illnesses and

diseases

For instance

, when the

Covid-19

Correct your spelling

COVID-19

show examples

pandemic hit

people

who lived

Change preposition

show examples

overcrowding apartments

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

more likely to get

this

virus.

As a result

, the

government

should concentrate

to construct

Change preposition

on constructing

show examples

apartment

Fix the agreement mistake

apartments

show examples

in order to make houses less crowded.

Moreover

, many

people

struggle mentally because they cannot buy houses.

This

is because the price of

house

Add an article

the house

a house

show examples

is expensive.

Thus

, if the

government

make homes affordable

people

can feel comfortable mentally.

To sum up

, I strongly think the

government

should focus

Change preposition

show examples

alleviating environmental

pollution

and housing problems to help

people

prevent

illness

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Submitted by faiz3177 on Sun Jul 30 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure logical flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Connect ideas more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Improve the introduction and conclusion to clearly present the main topic and provide a strong closing statement.

lexical resource

Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition of words and phrases.

grammatical range

Focus on sentence structure, verb tenses, and use of articles to enhance grammatical accuracy and variety.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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