Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some individuals believe authorities should concentrate on minimizing environmental contamination and housing issues to assist
people
Use synonyms
prevent
Wrong verb form
in preventing
show examples
illness
Use synonyms
and disease. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
statement.
To begin
Linking Words
with, I completely believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
lawmakers should focus on mitigating environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
and housing problems to help
people
Use synonyms
prevent
illness
Use synonyms
and disease. Regarding
pollution
Use synonyms
, air
pollution
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a negative
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
on
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health.
This
Linking Words
is because air
pollution
Use synonyms
lead to serious
diseases
Use synonyms
namely, cancer, high blood pressure, and asthma.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by
adressing
Correct your spelling
addressing
air
pollution
Use synonyms
the
government
Use synonyms
can prevent
people
Use synonyms
to get
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
these
diseases
Use synonyms
and
Use synonyms
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
should focus
to tackle
Change preposition
on tackling
show examples
the issue of
water
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
in order to
ehnance
Correct your spelling
enhance
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
health.
For example
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
can build more desalination plants in
ordet
Correct your spelling
order
to make fresh
water
Use synonyms
accessible for
people
Use synonyms
.
Consequnetly
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, make fresh
water
Use synonyms
available for all
people
Use synonyms
, which
this
Linking Words
step
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
to
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
to get
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
illnesses and
diseases
Use synonyms
related
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
water
Use synonyms
contaminated
Replace the word
contamination
show examples
namely, HIV, and Ebola. When it comes to housing issues, many
people
Use synonyms
live in overcrowding apartments, which
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
illnesses and
diseases
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
pandemic hit
people
Use synonyms
who lived
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
overcrowding apartments
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
more likely to get
this
Linking Words
virus.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
should concentrate
to construct
Change preposition
on constructing
show examples
more
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
in order to make houses less crowded.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
struggle mentally because they cannot buy houses.
This
Linking Words
is because the price of
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
is expensive.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the
government
Use synonyms
make homes affordable
people
Use synonyms
can feel comfortable mentally.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly think the
government
Use synonyms
should focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
alleviating environmental
pollution
Use synonyms
and housing problems to help
people
Use synonyms
prevent
illness
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs. Connect ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion to clearly present the main topic and provide a strong closing statement.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition of words and phrases.
grammatical range
Focus on sentence structure, verb tenses, and use of articles to enhance grammatical accuracy and variety.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: