IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In recent times, many people have focused on the negative effects advertising has on children’s health, behaviour and family relationships. Advertising to children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#times #people #effects #children’s #health #behaviour #relationships #children
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Advertising has been blamed, to some degree, for many of the issues society faces.
In particular
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, numerous people are concerned with the negative impact advertising can have on
children
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 and their health. Obesity is a growing concern and at the same time many producers of unhealthy
products
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 specifically target younger consumers, who
consequently
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 place pressure on their parents. A number of factors contribute to the obesity problems of
children
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,
such
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 as an increase in the use of computer games and busy working parents;
however
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, it cannot be denied that advertising plays a role.
Firstly
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, there are issues with the quality of the
products
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 that are targeted at young people, which by and large are unhealthy, but it is
also
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 the manner in which companies choose to promote their
products
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. Associating a product with a sport or athlete may give
children
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 the impression that the product is healthy,
although
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clearly
Add a comma
,clearly
show examples
 it may not be. Not only are there concerns with what is sold and how, but there is
also
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 growing concern about the influence
children
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 have over household spending. Advertising can result in increased pressure on parents to buy everything their child wants. In order to combat
this
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 problem, some countries have banned advertising to young
children
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 completely, and in other countries,
such
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 as Greece, they control the channels and times when
products
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 for
children
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 can be advertised. My own view is that the physical health of
children
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 is a major concern facing society and advertising is making it worse.
While
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 communities are faced with
such
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 challenges, governments need to take more control.
Therefore
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, advertising to young
children
Use synonyms
 should be banned or at least strongly controlled by the government.
Submitted by rizalestari on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • critical thinking
  • childhood obesity
  • materialistic
  • consumerism
  • conflict
  • regulations
  • ethical marketing
  • media literacy
  • unrealistic standards
  • body image
  • parental controls
  • freedom of speech
  • purchasing decisions
  • advertising content
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