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Band 4

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitian cities with people from all over the world.How can the governement ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?”

#countries #cosmopolitian #cities #people #world #governement
Modern
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The modern
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 world has not some strict separation and the boundaries are relative enough.
Therefore
,
start
Wrong verb form
starting
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 with the beginning of 21 century a great amount of people
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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emigrated from their homeland and
thus
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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formed multinational cities
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 New York,Paris,Rome and etc.The arrival of representatives of different cultures provided a lot of new opportunities to countries , though at the same time
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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occurred a challenge for the government to create conditions for comfortable living for both locals and visiting nations.The essay will show several possible decisions for
estabilishing
Correct your spelling
establishing
Correct article usage
a non-confict
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non-confict
Correct your spelling
non-conflict
 environment in
such
 areas. First of all , all problems start from people’s outlooks ,
however
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,however
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 it has formed in childhood and
consequently
 from school.
Thus
 , one of the effective
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
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 to avoid odds between nationalities is starting from primary school to teach children the lessons of ethnic education.
Also
 , authorities may organize from time to time seminars and lectures for adults on
this
 topic.
Additionally
, currently
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,
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social networks are widely used and influence humans’ views. So it would be favourable if government organisations published posts and raised the topic of living in cosmopolitan cities.
Secondly
, by far multinational cities should be regulated by law with particular attention.
Formation
Correct article usage
The formation
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 of official ethnic organisations that will work with the population ,
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
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 support to those who
was
Change the verb form
were
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 discriminated against on the basis of race or because of their nationality , is
excellent
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an excellent
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 variant for providing
harmonious
Correct article usage
a harmonious
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 being.
Moreover
, the authorities should adopt appropriate laws that will control the norms of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 towards foreign nationalities and that will prohibit any insults against them.
To conclude
, the government is the supreme institution of order in a particular city or country,which provide community peace for locals and
this
 means that it is primarily its task to make sure that people from different cultures live next to each other in harmony and security.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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