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Band 5

Some people think that studying from the past offers no benefits to today’s life. While others believe that history is a valuable source of information for us. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #today’s #life #history #source #information
There are conflicting views about whether
people
 should learn that
history
 from the past or
showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 opposing stances about it, in
this
 essay, I will present both sides of the argument and deliver my opinion. From the outset, those who support the idea that citizens should absorb some knowledge of
history
 may present the following arguments, learning
history
 can definitely help
people
 to improve their social cohesion,
firstly
, after
people
 in depth their own understanding of their past generations’ thoughts and behaviours, they might find out their current life has something in common with them, which can inspire them to relate their present’s life to the past,
hence
, these process will help human to improve their sense of belonging,
consequently
 enhance their social cohesion indeed.
On the contrary
, those who support the idea that encourages
people
 to learn about
history
 is undoubtedly time wasted can
also
 justify their personal perspectives, that society might go on a downward trajectory by spending too much time on studying matters that derived from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
,
for instance
, we need some more creative and innovative ideas to make
this
 earth become a better place, wrong approaches are only going to render the whole society worse, by way of illustration, if we are running our agricultural industry by applying the way from a century ago, we couldn’t chasing up the demand from the rapidly increasing population, eventually, the whole human-being will not be able to keep on going to next level of the civilization.
To sum up
, society collapse does not sound appealing to me,
however
, social cohesion is an essential skill for us as well, in my point of view, if we are capable
to connect
Change preposition
of connecting
show examples
 unrelated information from the ancient together,
moreover
, contributing to some original ideas,
people
’s creative thinking skill will be improved in
this
 process.
Submitted by s0210116 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve clarity and coherence of ideas by organizing them in a more structured manner.
task achievement
Provide a more complete analysis of the topic and ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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