IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world. How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously?

#countries #cities #people #world #government
In today’s multinational
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 it is very common for big cities to have a lot of immigrants from various countries.
Although
 we are now adapted to
such
changings
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 in our society, it is still a huge problem for our government, which makes them think about a variety of ways to guarantee
harmoniously
Change the word
harmonious
show examples
 life. There are a number of possible ways to support peaceful interaction between different people. In the first place,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should make it clear
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other nationalities, that its country is hospitable
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 each people, regardless of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 origin. Developing
this
 idea, the government should offer free language and culture lessons for those, who came as immigrants.
Secondly
, it is necessary to organize multinational events.
For example
, there is a summer tradition in our country, to arrange
“Street
Correct article usage
a “Street
show examples
 Food Festival” where people can try different cuisines and,
moreover
, found new information about
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 nationality.
In addition
, local authorities can
also
 add
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system
such
 subjects as culture and sociology, where students can be taught about everything in certain
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
. That might cause friendly relations between nations. At the same time, all governments should ensure that schools
also
 teach history not only about
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
 nation. Plus, it is necessary for immigrants to widen their knowledge about the culture of the place, they decided to live in. In conclusion, understanding other cultures is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harmony in the world.
However
, it is important to clarify, that not only governments should take action in building friendly relationships, but
also
 inhabitants.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: