IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that government should financially support retired people others feel that those who have retired pay to support themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #support
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It is argued that spending
money
Use synonyms
 by for supporting the retired is essential, on the
conterary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, others believe that these groups must pay their expenses by themselves. In my view, every government are responsible for
this
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 older generation,
this
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 essay will discuss both standpoints.
Decision makers
Add a hyphen
Decision-makers
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 must help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in retirement to have a better standard of living. Having not enough
money
Use synonyms
 to cope
their
Change preposition
with their
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 expenses, the geriatric usually
straggle
Correct your spelling
struggle
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 with medical services. At
these age
Change the determiner
this age
these ages
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 a myriad number of them are patients and confront many disorders,
as a result
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, they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical assistance significantly.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
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 services are expensive and the governors should spend a considerable amount of budget on
this
Linking Words
 situation.
In contrast
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, some opine that the retired do not need to
supporting
Change the verb
support
show examples
 financially because there are many problems for other generations, and the younger
people
Use synonyms
 have the priority to be funded, in order to get job opportunities.
Nevertheless
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 must consider a significant amount of
money
Use synonyms
 for funding these individuals. Because these
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 might put pressure on their families.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 for improving the quality of the elderly life is necessary. In conclusion,
While
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 must need to receive financial aid,
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other believe that
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 retire aged have the priority to get these financial helps, what is more, In my view the latter idea is more logical.
Submitted by darkred6171 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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