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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018
#shops #country
The line chart illustrates the
number
 of
shop
Change to a plural noun
shops
show examples
 closed and opened in a country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, it is clear the
number
 of
stores
 opening and closing going down.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
 in
2018
Add a comma
,2018
show examples
 there are more still closed
stores
 than
opening
Wrong verb form
opened
show examples
stores
 It can be seen from the chart that the
number
 of new
stores
 opened in 2011
about
Add a missing verb
was about
show examples
 8,500 and dropped sharply in 2012 to about 4000. In the next 2 years, the
number
 of
stores
 opened
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased again and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stable
2017
Change preposition
in 2017
show examples
.
Finally
 decreased in 2018. A deep analysis of the bar chart provided reveals that the
number
 of
stores
 that closed between 2011 and 2014 was in the range of 6000 to 7000
stores
 and dropped significantly to 500 in 2015. And has increased a lot. in 2016 and stable until 2018
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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