IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that fast
food
Use synonyms
 has an extremely bad impact on our lives. Generally speaking, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 the way of their production and imbalanced nutritional value in
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, modern society is evolving really fast and people are always busy.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they don’t have time to prepare
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in advance. Here comes the best,
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their opinion, solution - fast
food
Use synonyms
. The biggest producers
such
Linking Words
 as McDonald’s, KFC,
Burger
Correct word choice
and Burger
show examples
 King, don’t really care about the quality of their ingredients. The main goal is to make the
food
Use synonyms
 seem tasty and make the client come back
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next time. Because of that, appear a new sort of global
problem
Use synonyms
 - obesity and it is not the
last
Linking Words
 thing we should worry about. From my perspective,
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 fact
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 began to spread very quickly, the government all around the world must take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
. Of course, it is kind of obvious that it is a
problem
Use synonyms
 which needs
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
taking
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
, but why
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 doesn’t do anything about it? The main
problem
Use synonyms
 is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society will not precept those actions objectively. Especially, the people who loved fast
food
Use synonyms
. On the whole, my honest opinion is that government has to impose a higher tax on fast
food
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 that
problem
Use synonyms
 will lead to
point
Correct article usage
the point
show examples
 of no return
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when the drawbacks are going to be inevitable.
Submitted by acaitaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: