There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

"All work and no play make Jack a dull boy"

This

is a popular saying which means, individuals should

also

find time to do other fun

activities

rather than serious

activities

. I strongly disagree with the notion that states every

child

has to focus on academics than explore other

activities

they may have an

interest

Change preposition

in.

show examples

This

essay will discuss reasons why

children

need to be taught other extracurricular

activities

in school. Every parent wants their

child

to succeed in life

as a result

, they pressure them into focusing solely on academics rather than incorporating extra

activities

. Some individuals believe that people only succeed in

this

generation only when they are in professional fields,

such

as doctors, lawyers, bankers and engineers.

therefore

, parents force their

children

into studying so hard in school, so they become like them.

this

just shows that most kids are not allowed to follow their passion but that of their parents. non-academic courses enable

children

to find what they are good at doing. as a

child

develops, they tend to find

interest

in things they see and learn from their surroundings. exposing kids to extra-curricular

activities

gives them the opportunity to pick whatever they have an

interest

in. They can later in life turn these

activities

into a career for themselves. examples of non-academic

activities

to be known to have made people famous and rich are the likes of footballers, chefs, artists, and dancers.

this

shows that every

child

should be exposed to so many

activities

at a young age so they can later pick an

interest

in whatever they find suitable.

to sum up

children

should not be pressured to engage in academic subjects but

also

in extracurricular

activities

, to open their minds to explore various opportunities.

Submitted by adekemi.moyin on Mon Jul 31 2023

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

291 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

The world of work is changing so fast that employees cannot depend on having the same job or working conditions. What are the possible causes for the rapid change, and what suggestions could be given for preparing people?

In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare. A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Good planning is the key sector to success. To what extent do you agree?

In the past, lectures were the traditional method of teaching large numbers of students in a classroom. Nowadays new technology is increasingly being used to teach students.What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach in teaching?